I was disappointed at the Internet today. Searches didn’t come up with a Brian Blessed themed Blessed Day bumper sticker. So here you go, Internet.

As the First Conclusion tells us, we must not Worship The Joke Cosmic, as it leads to His many Blessings, such as the Holy of Holies Malignant Tumor, the Most Righteous Tornado, and the Great Blessing of Rheumatism.

My beliefs in my Deity require from me to stay clear of your prayers. With great fervor I then proclaim that, if you wish to worship or pray, then do so far away from me!

As The Joke Cosmic is the One, True Deity, we can only conclude that all divine revelations must originate from The Joke Cosmic. This is The Second Conclusion. Those that do not must, therefore, not be of divine origin.

But The Joke Cosmic only creates such revelations for the sake of The Joke Cosmic. Therefore, all such revelations must be False. Even if we think that, for the goal of the Divine Whim, some kernel of Truth is sewn into the revelation, it cannot possibly be True.

Thus, by The Second Conclusion, all beliefs are False, even the belief in The Joke Cosmic. One could claim to believe in The Joke Cosmic, and in believing disbelieve. All the more evidence of the Divinity of The Joke Cosmic.

By The First and Second Conclusion, we must not worship or believe in the Truth of The Joke Cosmic.

Upon further reflection, the Loki analogy comes with too much baggage. Instead, I shall refer to this Concept as a Joke, but not just any joke, but one so vast and all encompassing that it can only be Cosmic, the One, True Joke Cosmic, which I may abbreviate as J.C. But then, all this, Is Not Really Important.

The Revelation of the Joke Cosmic also brings forth Conclusions. The First Conclusion is that One does not Worship The Joke Cosmic.

The Joke Cosmic does not need nor desire Worship or Prayer. Indeed, the First Conclusion tells us that in doing so, One brings about the Blessed Attention of The Joke Cosmic. Such Blessings might bring about good luck, but all such things are only for the Entertainment of The Joke Cosmic. For The Joke Cosmic is always Selfish.

Prayer to The Joke Cosmic brings forth its Blessed Lessons, though, which we never desire. One will quickly discover that prayer for material things or deeds might lead to the adage of, “Be careful what you wish for for, because you might get it.” When the Joke Cosmic turns its Eye on you, the only one laughing is The First and Last Laugh.

Worship, then, can also turn The Eye of the Joke Cosmic upon the worshiper.

The Joke Cosmic does not differentiate between thought and words. Thus even silent prayers or the shaping of prayers to The Joke Cosmic might bring forth this Holy Glance.

The best we can do, then, is to outright refuse to worship or pray.

While discussing an apparent miracle occurrence of resuscitation from the dead, the topic of a deity causing said occurrence came up. I brought forward the question of which deity claimed Responsibility, when the Heavens open’d to my brain and the Divine Reception began.

It came to my attention the origin of All Miracle, All Misfortune, and All Deity. Its source was none other than an entity to which I shall name Loki, but could as well assign the name Coyote or Anansi or Bugs Bunny, for indeed this being desires nor demands any name, nor gender, and so I shall refer to It in a rotating assignment, as meets its nature.

All said Miracles and Misfortunes come from the Font of Loki, in an attempt to confuse and misdirect Humanity in Her pleasure. All forms of Deity are but Loki sewing distrust and clannish conviction between the many peoples. And so His only desire to bring mirth to Itself without concern for those on which such troubles conspire.

Back in 1990, I had a vivid dream that I turned into an awful short story that I only half completed. It was written in Word Perfect for DOS, and I believe I still have a copy of it burried somewhere. Then, in the summer of 1991, I attempted to turn it into a screenplay by starting first with the story boards. I have since lost that, but I believe I wrote as far as 20 seconds into the film. Then, in 1992, after some deep research into The Aeneid, I was insipired to turn it into an epic.

I wrote The Ulangar under the pen name “Viktur Conan Slayson,” and it took me the better part of 6 years to write. It started off with pen and paper, filling a giant 3 ring binder for the first two and a half books. After that, I began the revisions and started writing it on a computer. Fortunately, I had the forethought to save it in RTF format, rather than some custom OS/2 format (which I was using at the time).

It was intended to be split into 10 “books” in poetic form, with an epilogue book 11 in a more standard novel form. After I started on book 5, I soon lost all my saved files during a move, including the end of book 4 and the progress on book 5 which I hadn’t printed to a hard-copy, which led me to abandon the project. Fortunately, back in 2011, I found a backup of these last parts, and I started publishing them to the web.

Update: I have started reprinting it here.